You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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