Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
