Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
