really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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