And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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