evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
