I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
