I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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