So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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