I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
