well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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