i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
