every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The best revenge is premature balding
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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