Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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