I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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