if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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