My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
