Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
When are your genitals available?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
