I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Someone shattered a urinal.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
