I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
