Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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