Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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