Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
