Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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