Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
