I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
