i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
