im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
