I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
