Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
