Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
