my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
