The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
