it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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