My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
