I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
