Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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