This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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