life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
