he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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