Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
