you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
