In the future we'll all be gay
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
