Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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