the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
