Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
