i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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