So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
