I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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