don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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