Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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