i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Im part way to drunk.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
