She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
