I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
