I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
