If i come over, it means nothing
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
