so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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