And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
